he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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