My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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