True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
