I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
