You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
