She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
