There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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