for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
