The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Terrible idea I love it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
