I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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