College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
