Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
