the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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