Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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