you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
