no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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