I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
