so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
