Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
