i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The best revenge is premature balding
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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