I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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