if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
