I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
