It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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