dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
