I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
