Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
