there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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