No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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