and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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