I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
