so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
honey bunches of taint.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
