you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
