I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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