and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
