i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
