omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
