If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize