im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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