if i can run in heels then i can drive
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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