a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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