i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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