i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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