I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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