I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
