Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
