what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
