we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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