your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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