true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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