Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
