so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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