Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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