I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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