I think my vagina is haunted
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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