Barsexuality is the new black.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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