is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
