You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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