I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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