Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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