i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
