I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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