God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
