if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
