the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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