Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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