Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
