Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
