what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
