I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
