How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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