She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
