woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
