plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
