he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
