I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
