i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
