it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
