The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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