Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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